Screen Time

Recently some friends and I had an exchange about how we deal with our kids and their screens, and I responded about what we are currently doing in our home.  So I remember how we did things, and since all of us could use each others ideas, I thought I would include my contribution to the online conversation here:

Our twelve-year-old just bought her grandmother's old iphone for $20.  My ten-year-old just bought her own brand new ipod touch.  Since they have freedom to buy things with their own money, and since we applaud initiative, we have discussions and set boundaries around what we are comfortable with at home and what is appropriate for their age.  As has been mentioned, I really feel this has to be considered individually with each child. 

Both of our girls can currently only use the camera and a few okay'd games (which they can only play 15 minutes a day, and they lost interest in those quickly).  Our twelve-year-old is currently working on a proposal as she would like more privileges.  We encourage proposals as we want them to feel they can ask and we'll consider things.  We are looking for a win-win.

Geoff and I have come to realize that social media is inevitable, and will be a major part of their lives, so we are focusing our discussions on the importance of managing screen time, something all of us need.  We have FHE about it, dinner discussions, and private conversations when things come up.  Recently we were focusing on agency and emphasized the paragraph in the For Strength of Youth pamphlet that says,

You are also responsible for developing the talents and abilities Heavenly Father has given you.  You are accountable to Him for what you do with your talents and how you spend your time.  Choose to do many good things of your own free will.

For us, at our stage, this is really the big concern.  We want them playing outside, creating, imagining, etc., not staring at a screen.  But if we are always on our phones, or looking at screens...it is hard to hold that standard for them.  We set the example of lifelong management of how we use our time and talents.

We currently have a family rule of no screens after 6:00 (when dinner begins).  That works for now.  Later we'll make adjustments, but as was mentioned, I think that having an unplug hour is a good idea.  We also still try to have their internet access on our main family computer where it is in a main family space.  They do school work on an ipad, but only on specified websites...no searching, or browsing in their rooms or in private.  

We have access to ALL of their passwords, and they know we have a right at any time to ask to look through their emails (and eventually texts).  We don't have any reason to not trust them, thankfully, but it is an expectation we set early on.

There is a great book called Cyber-Safe Kids, Cyber-Savvy Teens that gives good guidelines about what is appropriate at each age, what to warn your kids about, and has a good written agreement that both parent and child sign.  Overall some really good ideas. 

Lastly, we occasionally have a screen fast when they get a little to obsessed about playing games or checking emails.  It might be a week long.  This gives us a sense of how okay we are without the screens, and allows us to see how much of our time they are monopolizing.  When Geoff and I feel we need to reign things in and create a boundary we will do a fast to give us a little time to think things through.  After they haven't had any screen time they are grateful to have any privileges back!