The role of Nurturer

A few months ago I found myself being particularly hard on one of our girls. I frequently felt frustrated with her choices, and was correcting her behavior often. Subconsciously I had taken it upon myself to "straighten her out". I wasn't feeling the love for her that I wanted to feel, and it took far too long to realize I was the one that needed straightening out! One morning I sat down with my little notebook and wrote, "What is my role in mothering this child?" I pondered if it was really my responsibility to point out and correct her weaknesses, some of which are nothing more than a developmental stage! It was during this quiet morning that I had a big perspective shift.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World says, "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." What does it mean to nurture? It must mean more than just providing food and clothing and some occasional sunshine...a nanny, a childcare facility, even an orphanage can do that. Each of my children is so unique. My role is not to shed light on their weaknesses, or jump on every chance to correct them to make them into what I want them to become. An all-knowing Father in Heaven will do that in wisdom throughout their lives (heaven knows he is still working on me!) Instead I am to nurture their spirituality; their emotional, mental, social and physical being. What that means for each mother, and each of her unique children, will be different. As I looked at how I was generally doing in each of these areas, with each of my children, I saw that I was doing decently in some, pathetically low in others. The areas that were low needed some immediate attention, and I took some time writing down what changes I could make to improve my role as nurturer of the whole child.

To do this it was necessary for me to step back and observe each of my children: their personality and preferences, what motivates them, what caused stress for their little bodies, how they show and receive love, how they communicate and like to be communicated with, their strengths and their weaknesses, etc. And then allow for them to be who they are, accept them for who they are, and love them exactly where they are at this stage in their existence, all the while nurturing the divine that is within them. I certainly don't believe we abort any responsibility to correct our children, or set boundaries, but I felt I needed to be more gentle in my correction, and slightly looser in my boundaries.

The Proclamation also says we are the "primary" nurturer in our children's lives. Before I began teaching the girls at home I admit that I put the primary responsibility to educate my children on their teachers at school. I relied on them to tell me if my particular child was having a little trouble, and with what, exactly, and how I could help. It wasn't until I was teaching them myself that I saw some pretty large gaps in their understanding of certain things that, according to the curriculum, they should have understood. (Not that one has to homeschool to catch these aspects of their children.) These teachers were great teachers. They were doing the best they could with 20+ kids in their care, but I have since taken a closer look at the ways I have given (or subconsciously hoped to give) the responsibility of the nurturing of my whole child to others - individuals or institutions.

Once we as mothers embark on nurturing each of our children as a whole child we soon realize there isn't time for much else. We only have a relatively short time to lovingly coax the seed into a blossom! But there is so much joy in the process as we recognize the overwhelmingly sacred role of being a mother, a nurturer. God's work and glory is "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." We, as mothers, help directly in both aspects of that work, bringing glory to our Father every step of the way.